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Starting Over Again

07/25/2014

I just read my very first post from 2009.  It is amazing how similar I feel right now and how I felt back then.

Flashback Post: Day 1 Hello World 
09/09/0 9 –  What can happen in a little over a year?

Time is going to pass so why not have a set focus of time and let’s see what can happen. I’m a little nervous about writing. I’ve erased more sentences than I can count since I’ve started writing just a minute ago.  I’ve written blogs posts in my mind since June but have not taken the first step of actually writing.

So this is the beginning of an incredible REAL and TRUTHFUL Year.

Flash Forward
 .   .   . As I come back after a very long ..(Hmm what should we call it? Choose one:  Hiatus? Binge? Deception? Lie?  Break?)  I found that the same reasons for initially starting the blog are the same now, however, this time I’m not just going to see what happens.  I’m going to set more measurable goals with a shorter time frame.

I’ve been putting off blogging for sometime now because I haven’t wanted to be accountable.  But after reading previous posts it was truly a way to be honest about a healthy lifestyle that I want to live.   So once I say it I have to follow through.  I’m going to be truthful to myself and see what a difference a 90 days can make.

 

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Year 2 Review Part 5 ~ Medical Problem #1

01/01/2012

April and May 2011                Tri-the-Kenai Derailed  —  Whew CountdownThe best App I have installed on my i-Phone is my Count Down Calendar.    At the time of my gallbladder surgery I had exactly 6 weeks until the TRI.  That was significant because after 2 days in the hospital the doctor said that I couldn’t exercise or lift anything over 15 lbs for 6 weeks.  Well there goes the TRI.  So something that I couldn’t picture was by no means going to come into vision.  I was disappointed but also relieved at the same time.  I had to halt everything.  I remember texting Angie with a now  infamous quote of ours, “I have a little story to tell you.” She hates those texts because it wouldn’t be the last one for the year.   In this next year I’m bound and determined to picture what healthy and athletic looks like. Even just last week as I had my first training session in 5 months I still couldn’t picture me at a goal weight or even in a goal activity.  It’s my homework for the New Year.       Gallbladder surgery should be a relatively routine surgery or so I’ve been told.  I should have known better when my discharge from the hospital was delayed by a day due to pain and at my first doctors appointment I gained 6 lbs.  Who has surgery and gains 6 lbs?  Well for a week after the surgery I had actually been leaking bile into my abdomen.  I knew something was wrong because of the intense pain but I had also noticed that I was bloated.  I was a 20 lb. deflated balloon because of the weight loss but I was now filling back up. T.M.I. I know.  I believed that the pain I was experiencing wasMay 2011 normal and that I should just take it, fortunately, my friend S~ took charge.  I then began to witness a network of friends that came to my aide that just really showered me with love, care and time.  By the time the doctor discovered the leak my mother was on her way from Ca so she too could also see my ROCKS in action. From ladies of KNL to coworkers and friends I was well cared for and prayed for.  I had two more surgeries and even one required me to be medevac to Anchorage.  Serious? Right?  I missed 3 weeks of school and only showed up for the normal “hoop-la” at the end of quarter.  My co-workers rallied around and provided lesson plans and sub guidance and my KNL ladies provided meals. I am truly blessed.  Little did I know that 2 months later I’d be traveling down the same road again.

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Year 2 Review Part 4 ~ 10/10/10 – 11/11/11

01/01/2012
AK TRI Training

TRI Training in Alaska

  April 2011

It was time for some serious TRI training.  Angimal had arranged for a group of athletes to train for the upcoming season.  Though I had been on the TOPS Team for the year which had a variety of Swimmers at many different levels (I started in lane 1 and moved to lane 5) but this was going to be different because I’m not a great runner or cyclist. I was worried to be with these athletes. My schedule got crazier times 10.

Monday – 5:30-6:00 TRI Training
T & Thur – 3:00-3:30 Treadmill 3:30-4:30 Angimal 5:30-7:00 TOPS
Wednesday – Lead the Made to Crave Bible Study
Friday – 3:00-3:30 Treadmill 3:30-4:30 Angimal 5:30-6:30 TRI
Saturday – 9:00-10:00 TRI Training Swimming

OK good grief what a schedule but I was doing it. TRI Training I was there and I was putting forth an effort that was  exactly what I could handle. The best part of the training revealed once again how much of a swimmer I am.  On the days that we were swimming I’d actually finish ahead of the pack.  That was a nice feeling after having to modify some of the hill runs, BRICKS, and spinning sets.

As the month progressed even though i didn’t believe i could actually participate in the TRI I had Angimal encouraging me and now the whole team seeing in me something I couldn’t. I almost want to say that I was faking it until I made it but the aches and pains were not fake.  The breathless sets were not fake.  The painful seat on the spin bike was shirley not fake.  So towards the end of the month I finally had to bite the bullet and buy my bike for the race.  I’m doing it. The picture was becoming clearer and clearer until the night of Thursday, April 28th.  I had a gallbladder attack, surgery and complications that sidelined me.  It was the beginning of my medical rollercoaster.

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Year 2 Review Part 3 ~ 10/10/10 – 11/11/11

12/31/2011

White HouseMarch 2011

In March a few 8th graders, chaperones and I headed to DC.  I had waited my whole life for this trip. I’ve had a couple of near misses but it took me 44 years to get here.  Miss #1 – instead of going with my Junior High Class my parents put on two weddings. Shucks. Miss #2 – A DC trip with my Grandma that got hijacked and transformed into a Country Jamboree Bus Tour by my Great Aunt Beulah. We had a great time but actually drove around the DC’s Beltway. Shucks!  I truly had a wonderful time with these exceptional 8th graders.  They were a pleasure to travel with.  The tour guide, J.D.JD, actually made the trip extra special as we rode on his Rollercoaster of Love. His excellent playlist on his i-Pod,  knowledge of the city and his unique stories made the trip extra special.  My friends / fellow chaperones were a kick. I’ve never laughed so much than with these two ladies.Wet Feet

We really had a good laugh as we evacuated the hotel at 4 a.m. due to a fire alarm in the boiler room. Wet shoes became very stinky towards the end of the week.
Good Times!

What I really noticed on this trip is howCapitol far I still have to go on this journey.  I had been working out 6 days a week since September but the simple endurance I needed to keep up with this tour group really kicked my butt.  From the hills of Arlington National Cemetery or the stairs  any museum I was exhausted.  A few times I just needed to surrender and stay in the bus.  It’s amazing how far I had thought i had come and yet there is still so much work to be done.  Just what would have it been like if I hadn’t been working out. Scary!

Just for fun this is what I would weigh on Mars.

My weight on Mars

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Year 2 Review Part 2 ~ 10/10/10 – 11/11/11

12/31/2011

Made to CraveJanuary 2011

I had such good intentions for 2011.  New Years day I had my first Diet Coke in a year. What an accomplishment.  I used to drink 6 Diet Cokes a day. The most difficult part of this task was when I went to restaurants.  I substituted Green Tea and lots of water.  For 2011 I planned to give up all Fast Foods (FF).  I knew this would be difficult but a necessity. See even while I was dieting I’d still go to McD’s for breakfast. Yep a great start to your day. So no Fast Food for 2011 except for maybe Subway, Eat Fresh right?  I figured that if I didn’t have a plan then I’d eat FF so  this year I needed to have a plan for each meal. I remember one time in January I walked out of a Subway (legal food) because it wasn’t part of the plan for the day.  There is a lot of power in walking out realizing that you have set a boundary for yourself that you were not going to cross.  In January I began reading  Lysa TerKeurst‘s book Made to Crave.  This book led to a change in my “Want To.” I’ll review the book another time but it certainly started my year off right with the Lord as my guide.  I spent New Years with J~ setting goals for the year but not just goals but prayers. J~ is a friend that knows how I tick and when she said that my cheating on my diet weren’t cheats but sneaks it really touched a place in my mind and heart.  To sneak was so much worse than cheating. This idea kept me going for a time.  When I returned to the gym Angimal really recognized that want to.  She even said that if “NO November” continued that it was going to be difficult to train me but she noticed a change in me.  We were ready for a New Year.

Tri-The-KenaiFebruary 2011

With this new dedication Angimal encouraged me to sign up for the June triathlon.  She believed in me but good grief I couldn’t see it.  I couldn’t picture me doing such a thing.  How could a 300 lb person Swim-Bike-Run at that weight?  I’ve always wanted to be this type of athlete so I just needed to borrow Angimal’s belief for a while.  I continued my workouts now with an end in mind.  I wanted this!  I was going to go through the motions and get there when I get there.  If you don’t shoot at anything you miss it every time. Top of the World Swimming

My first glimmer that I could do this was the February Master’s Swim Meet. I always think of a Dave Ramsey quote: “If you want to be rich you have to do what rich people do.” So if you want to be skinny you have to do what skinny people do.” Skinny people  SWIM.  In the 50 yard Freestyle, 100 I.M., and 50 yard Breaststroke I earn Third place ribbons. I earned Second place ribbons in the 100 yard Freestyle and 50 yard Backstroke.  Age group wins are a wonderful thing. I was there baby! I looked the part and made a good showing.  I had FUN! So maybe the TRI could happen.

Wedding      February also brought me back toThe Dress So Cal for my nieces wedding.  “The Dress” made another showing.  Its a lot different wearing an outfit when you don’t know anybody and could care less what people think but when people know ya and there’s a history its a different feeling.  Well so I thought. Once again I felt confident and pretty.
What a new feeling.
"We're going to get this off ya" Grandma RoseDuring this trip I also noticed that my clothes from the summer were extra-large.  I was making progress and still couldn’t see it or believe it.  You see I knew the truth even though I was an exercising machine my food was still not spot on.  Grandma Rose really noticed a difference and couldn’t keep her hands off my extra-large pants.

My FF goal was going fine but I was still not eating right and February was the real beginning of that.  Its something that I’m really going to have to face. If it was just exercise in this life change I’d really be doing great. ARG FOOD!

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Year 2 Review Part 1 ~ 10/10/10 – 11/11/11

12/31/2011

My second year Blogg-o-ver-sary went by without any hoopla  or even any consistent blogging.  I read a friends first year
Blog-o-ver-sary that stated that many blogs don’t last a year.  That was a throw down for me.  I knew I could last for  year so once the year came a gone with only a slight difference in weight change I just lost my gumption to continue to write.  I however never lost the ideas.  I’d go throughout the days thinking to myself “Ooo that’d be a good post” or “Ooo that’s a good idea.” I visited many blogs and I still stayed active on Twitter but my next blog post became farther and farther way.  I then began to believe that my come back post had to be the most profound post ever.  In all actuality I just needed to write and to come back to the core reasons why I started to write.  I needed a place to log this journey so that the stresses of whats in my head doesn’t over power the ultimate goal of loosing weight.  It’s unbelievable how much the mind affects my weight loss and this is another tool that helped during that first year.  What I truly enjoyed were the exchanges with other bloggers or visitors so thank you for your support and encouragement to come back.  So I’ve been lurking and it is time to be all in once again.

I hope this year in review reconfirm that I haven’t lost a year but have made progress that I will continue to learn from:

Women 2 Women Conference      Blog-o-ver-sary
            09/09/10 

These are the strongest women of God I know.  I was the MC during the conference entitled ‘Stepping Out.” It is so important that we all continue to STEP out in faith.  The Lord has good plans for us.

@akangimalAfter Hawaii I knew I needed a trainer again. I needed someone to believe when I couldn’t.  I needed someone to push me when I couldn’t.  I needed someone to believe when I couldn’t. Angie a.k.a Anigmal was my perfect and only choice.  My friend Tra said that I was brave because Angie scared her. In all actuality she has such a kind spirit and her knowledge abounds.  I am honored to have her on my team.  She has taught me to break away barriers I have set up in my mind.  I never would have thought that I could do squats with a 25lb. weight or sumo squats while holding a medicine ball with my extensive ACL injured knee.  With this support system one would have believed that I was on the road for extensive weight loss….Wellllll

October 2010

OTop of the World Swimmingctober hit with a vengeance.  I exercised and ate somewhat on program but mostly off.  I was working out M & F with Angie and swimming on the Masters Swim Team T & Thur.  With all that exercise I should have been seeing results.  The results were exhaustion and an over planned schedule which led to “No-No-November” as
Angie and I eventually called it.

November 2010

The battle in November was my schedule but also the resentment I felt towards myself as I grazed for candy bars in the office or after an Angimal workout stopping and getting Chinese food and then going to the convenience store for snacks such as Ding Dongs, Twinkies, and ice cream.  I had also found these incredible Key Lime pie dessert made by SaraLee.  After an incredible workout that caused me to sit in the parking lot for a half hour before I could move I’d throw all the hard work away and eat everything I mentioned in the first 15 minutes of being home.  With all this battling going on in my head and life you can see why I didn’t finish the Top 100 or continue to blog.  I was fighting such a battle in my mind.  I’d take it out on the treadmill before my workouts with Angie and as I raced in the pool.  Tears are hidden well within my tented goggles.  And yet I was still working out and going through the motions.  I wasn’t giving up.  Angie even commented that in November she never said anything because she thought she’d scare me off. So she went along with it all the while knowing I was battling. So you can see my second year was off to a rocky start but there was a foundation that I could still build on.

Black RockDecember 2010

Well in December 2010 I was coming around the same mountain again but this time the mountain was in Maui for a friends B-day. My friends 40th Birthday wish of sun, fun and surfing was by all means our command.  The Sister Chicks Do the Hula was our book club choice that month. J~ planned everything that she desired for her Birthday except for the surprise gift at the special Birthday dinner.  I was constantly in my head this weekend because I was not where I thought I’d be in this journey.  I was so worried about my apparel choices because I was with women who were skinny and very fashionable.  So before I left an online rush purchase of a bathing suit and dress thankfully arrived just in time. It was a good thing these orders in. First having an extra bathing suit was a saving grace because during our first jacuzzi my bathing suit from the summer decided to “give up”  That’s right give up.  It turned into an evening gown swim suit.  During our time in the water I was battling the suit’s skirt the whole time. Then I stood up and the skirt was as long as an evening gown. Hilarious!The Dress

Second the dress was a purchase that I would have never have made because there were no sleeves. See there is a rule in my head that my arms are ugly.  Big flabby arms are meant to be hidden. it’s a rule.  But this dress was perfectly appropriate for the occasion and for the first time I felt beautiful. How incredible is that?  I never knew how positive that energy could be. What a huge step.

Tide PoolsEven though I wasn’t where I wanted to be I could feel good and be positive along the way.

I also had glimpses as to where I wanted to be. Well it was more of what I wanted to be able to do when I get to a more healthy size.

See my friends walking along the tide pools?  There was no way I had the flexibility to navigate those rocks but there is always next year.

This trip lead to a change in my

 “Want to.”

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More or less? How about just write.

06/29/2011

So as I planned to start writing again I felt the need to tell everyone about the last six months.  But then I realized just like in weight loss I needed to remember not to worry about the 150 lbs. but the first 5 lbs. and so on.

So I’ll fill you in on the last six months as I go but lets talk about now…..

….
Once again Hawaii has been wonderful. Last year I explored the island by myself and with  a few new people I met at my sisters’s church.  They were wonderful hosts and introduced me to so many unique local beaches.  This year my mom and co-worker came for the first two weeks.  That is why I haven’t be able to write.  We didn’t want to be crazy tourist but we were and we have loved every minute.

Andrea met my mother when she was in Alaska helping me recover from Gallbladder surgery (Those pesky little holes in my story from the last six months).  What better place to recuperate than Hawaii?  It’s been 7 weeks since my surgery and I’ve been able to return to normal exercise routines for the last week and a half.  In fact signing up at 24 hour fitness was the very first thing I did when I arrived on the island.  I don’t have the same trainer as last year but my new trainer Christie has been just as tough.  Let me tell you after 6 weeks of rest after surgery your body goes down hill in a hurry.  I have to be careful with abdominal exercises but the rest is going fine.  I really lost a lot of strength and stamina.  In a weeks time I’ve already seen an improvement and lets just say Christie is the queen of squats.

So let’s see some facts

January 2011 Weight 356.7

I lost -7.6 pounds since landing in Hawaii 2011

2009 Starting Weight : 365.1
2011  Current Weight: 318.8

Total overall pounds lost: 46.3

Hawaii 2010 starting weight 354.0 lbs. Departure weight 339.2 lbs.
Hawaii 2010 Weight Loss 14.8 lbs.

Hawaii 2011 starting weight 326.4 lbs.  Can’t wait to see what happens🙂